They are always your children

Divorce is difficult for children. Young children do not really understand why mommy and daddy are not living together. Older children may not really understand, and they can get the wrong idea as to why their parents are divorcing. But it is not really the divorce that is difficult. The legal separation of two lives is unintelligible for most children, but they don’t really need to understand that.

It is the failure of their parent’s relationship and the fear or guilt that develops that suggests to them that it is their fault. Which is why during your divorce with children, you want to have the professionals deal with the technical aspects, both legal and financial, to ensure that those matters are appropriately dealt with, while you work on the emotional side of the equation.

For your child or children, you need to reassure them that it is not their fault. But you need to do more. You need to ensure that your dealings with your children’s other parent do not cause a negative affect. Speaking ill of their other parent in front of them will only cause hurt for your children.

Continuing to fight and argue with them whenever you have any interaction will only cause them pain. And even if they fail to grasp the import of your statements, they understand your tone and when you use it on them, it will truly frighten them.

As difficult as the divorce process is for adults, they, at least, are actors. They have some choice and control. Children have none of that, which is why as their parents you need to work to minimize their fear and disorientation.

Your relationship did not work out with their other parent. And you did something about that. So too, must you do something for your children and their relationship with their parents. It may not be a relationship you planned on, but you must, for their sake, rise above you own discomforts and make it work for them.